pirates gone wild for real
by kiesha bodiesha
Summary: dammit just read it!
1. Default Chapter

Pirates Gone Wild

Disclaimer: I do not own pirates of the Caribbean or the other things I mention

Scene 1

It was a cold day out at sea and little Kara was freezing cold. In fact she was very blue so the sailors asked her if her mother was a smirf. They could never ask about the father since he was the smirf captain of the boat and they didn't want to lose their jobs.

Anyway one day they were sailing along when they came across a wrecked sip with this kid floating on the floatable toilet seat. The sailors decided Kara could go get the kid because they didn't want to ruin the manicures she had given them. Kara pulls in the boy and thinks he's really hot. She takes his necklace because it was really ugly and Kara likes to get ugly jewelry. She was then saw the guy had a tiny bulge in his pants and wanted to see why. The kid woke up as she was staring at it so tried to explain that there was shrinkage after you've been in the water a while. She didn't believe him until that night at dinner he stuffed some elephants in his pants so his bulge was pretty big. Then the two kids fell in love or at least really horny since both went to bed to go masturbate.

Scene 2

Now everyone's older and is plucking the hairs on their chins when no one is around. This was mostly Kara's problem so she kept a tweezers in her bra. Now Kara's dad (the smirf) has become governor or some important position because he was supplied with that freaky gray wig monthly so that he always looked his best. He would get them in different haircuts sometimes so at the end of each month he did a costume party with all his wigs. Will was this hot guy Kara liked but she was engaged to another dude because she liked his family cooking. Now the dudes name was Edmund because I said so and he had been adopted into jay-z's family. He was sure beyonce was in his DNA somewhere so he would walk around telling people he was bootylicious and he would be your naughty boy. Will did the best booty bounce in all the Caribbean and won many contests for that as well as saying "you got served" so many times a day it was just a habit.

One day Kara had a bad dream and when she woke up she heard a scream so she to began screaming. Her dad rushed in and asked what the problem was and he said in a serious tone," that was my fart. The only real fear here is your nana's cooking. She always uses the local spices and they are quite spicy."

Kara replied," now I understand. I will not fear anymore. The only thing to fear is fear itself." Then her bodyguard jumped out to protect her from the assassination attempt.

Who should be coming into the harbor but Boy George wanna be. He had a lot of eyeliner on and these really cool dreadlocks and he was really hot. His name was jack and when he tried to jump over the candlestick he got burned so he couldn't walk very well. Because of his problem, he hired Shamu to take him to the port. The guy who owned the dock wanted money so Shamu jumped out and ate him.

As jack was walking around looking for a CVS to buy some waterproof mascara, he saw a very pretty boat. As he was walking towards it, these soldiers came up and blocked his path to the boat.

The soldiers demanded to see his ticket stub. The ship was part of the tour that celebrity cruise lines offered. Jack showed his room key so they let him in the boat, which was apparently a seafood buffet with a gift shop.

Up above him Kara went to a party. As she was sitting on the edge her hunger kicked in from her anorexia so she fell off. Her skirt billowed out and slowed her fall into the water. As she was swimming around Shamu came up behind her and tried to eat her but Jack came and saved her. As the pair came out of the water, Edmund showed up and began fighting with Jack.

" Man why you messin' with my bitch? She may be a ho but she's my ho. I know all 27 of my ladies and they ain't bein stolen by crack ass wangsta!!!!!!!"

Jack stood there saying nothing trying to figure out what shampoo Edmund used because his hair was silky smooth and Jack's hair needed some help. Then he realized he was gonna be killed so he an away. He went to a pub and got tipsy so the bar tender told him to leave. As Jack was walking away he met Will who was also drunk. Will thought Jack was a girl from all the makeup he wore so they got busy. The soldiers caught him the next day and he was put in jail with Michael Jackson. Jack was so happy he wasn't a kid anymore otherwise he would go to neverland with Mike and probably never come back.

As the two sat in their cells, the _Black Pearl_ came and attacked the town.


	2. And to continue my tale

Continuation of scene something like 3

SO the black pearl comes town. The man who ran celebrity cruise lines looked at the ship and back at his list continually. Then he shouted in desperation," this ship is not on the tour. I dare say the cannons they're firing are real and that is real damage they are doing." Then a cannon ball comes and hits him in the head and he dies.

One of the fireballs hits the wall at the jail. Mike happened to be in its path and jack was very thankful for that. Mike was only brushed but he was completely changed. Instead of trying to feel jack up he said openly," I'm gay. I don't want to sleep with kids anymore because that is disgusting and wrong. The only kind of sex I'll have is gay sex. Thank you cannon ball for enlightening me." Then he walks out the hole. Jack is stuck there.

Kara was in her room when the attack began. As the first cannon roared she began yelling because she had not finished zipping up her pants and now her dick was stuck in the zipper. Then she remembered that she had glued on a dildo but it felt so real. She pulled it off and ran away in terror to the bathroom for now she had wet herself.

As she left the bathroom she saw two pirates in her house and now spotted her. As they ran at her they said," we wanna put something in you!!!!!!" At that she pulled out her trash can and threw her used tampons at them and shouted back," take these they already have been in me!"

One of the tampons got stuck in the pirate's eye. As he began crying it grew larger and larger. He thought to himself," these must be tampax pearl because they absorb so much!" His friend looked at him strangely so he replied," I read about it in seventeen magazine."

After running around for a bit, they finally catch Kara. As they were leaving the house, Kara pulls out the tampon from the pirates eye and says simply," I need to use it. Its that time of the month again…to kick your ass!!!! Wait I really do need it though." As they go through town Will sees them and tries to fight her off. Unfortunately he only knew had to catfight so he lost very quickly. All the pirates began chanting PRETTY BOY including Kara whose drugs for her anorexia kicked in but naturally she added some PCP. Hey guys watch me fly!!!!!! She landed on the ground and fell unconscious.

Back at the jail, Jack sits there thinking Jill. He remembered all the times they climbed the hill to fetch a pail of water. As he started to jack off some of his pirate buddies came to the jail. They looked at the expression on his face and realized he was thinking of Jill. One of the pirates shouted," Jack how can you be jacking off to a woman after all we did for those long months at sea. You can't still be straight are you? Well I'm offended so I'm not going to save you now." The pirates walked away singing a song about a nun who sold dope to school kids. That was there favorite song from the eighty's. But they were very happy to have Kara because that ugly piece of jewelry she stole was magical.

Scene 4

The rooster crowed as the sun came up the next day and it woke Will from his deep sleep. "What the fuck is with that rooster? We live in a city not a farm with those farm stands that sell their stuff to grocery stores. SHUT UP!!!!!!!"

" Damn what's in your wallet pretty boy?" asked Jack. Jack had escaped from jail because I don't feel like writing that story. Will looked around and finally spotted the real person talking to him from the five identical twins he was seeing.

"I'm looking for this girl that my scripts says I love! She has been whisked away on the Black pearl. Can you help me find her?

"Fine ok w can use Shamu to find the ship. I used to be the captain of it oh wait I wasn't supposed to tell you that." He got out his memory swiping his device but had to go kill the alien that ran by. After he came back they came and took a ship. Edmund saw them pull away and began to freak out.

" What the hell bamma's? That's my ship and I ain't letting you jack it up! C'mon tell me you're trifling dawgs!!! Dammit give me a hit of that Tanesha and you eat my white chocolate."

As the pair sailed away they began to talk about their dreams. Jack admitted he wanted to teach first grade so that he could work with kids. Will replied," I wanted to meet a teacher for little kids. He teaches anatomy. His name is Michael Jackson, ever heard of him?" After he found out Jack had met him he replied," Well he probably didn't teach you what he taught me at the sleepover we had!" At that everyone stopped talking out loud because Jaws came by and they didn't want to disturb him as he watched a golf tournament with a $500 dollar first prize. The pair knew there would be more adventures to come in the next few chapters.


	3. the end

Alright I relized I haven't done a disclaimer for a while so I'm just saying I don't own this stuff. Now I decided to just end this story cause I don't really wan tot do it anymore so prepare to be confused.

The pair sailed on and finally came to the eil island place. Here they ran into the boats making lots of noise so the evil ghost things knew they were there. The ghosts got all there weapons ready and headed out to the opening.

Will and Jack spotted the ghosts coming at them so they began screaming. Who should come to save them but the wonderful and beautiful and just all around great author Kiesha.

"Save us oh wonderful author Kiesha with the mysterious ways of the pineapple pizza and we will forever be your love slaves!" yelled the pair.

Kiesha quickly took to the inclination and dropped the last coin in the chest so the people were real. Now the fun began.

First Kiesha made a DJ appear and they put various songs pf reggae or good dance music.

Someone from the group of pirates shouted," Put on Sean Paul!!! I'm gonna bring the house down." There he began doing some breakdancing in front of Kiesha. She quietly stood there as all skinny white girls who just happen to know all the words to get busy would stand. After the song ended the DJ instictivly knew to put on hey mama as Kiesha stepped out in front of the pirates.

As soon as the music began Kiesha began breakdancing like crazy. As the song finshed up she yelled," I beat the one black guy in Hogwarts in dance and I beat your pirate booty too. YOU GOT SERVED!!!!!!"

The pirates were now very mad and began to advance on her. With that Katya pulled out a lot of boxes of pineapple pizza and began hurling them at the pirates!

As the pieces flew one could hear," NOOOOOOO! IT'S DOMINO'S!!!!!!!!!" Still a few pirates remained so Kiesha brought out her secret weapon. The pirates gasped at the sight of her new composite field hockey stick. They realized that that was probably the reason for her to be wearing her very preppy mini skirt.

"FLAT AND THRU YOU MO FO'S!!!!!" She began whacking the pirates mercilessly and soon she made magic balls come out of the air.

"Why are you doing this to us? How are you doing this to us? I am so confused."

"So is the audience. Hey I'm the author and I can make anything happen. Look I'll have the bon bon people from sailor moon come out while Prince is making out with Britney Spears. The cocoa pebbles will eat all the naturalists of the world! Harry Potter will have a steamy affair with Malfoy while he cheats on his former lover Ron. Sorry wrong story. Anyway, look its all happening because I said so!mwhahahahahahahahha!!!!!!!!!!!!"

With that all the pirates were destroyed and Kiesha, Will, and Jack flew away to Yemen. Will and Jack were put through an age machine so now they were really hot fifteen year olds. Alright that's the end.


End file.
